The Massage

Back in April, I got Mac a gift certificate for an hour long, massage for his birthday. That was back when we were like, "oh, the recession isn't affecting us too much..." We've since moved back in with reality.
Anyway..... Mac decided to give it to me, especially with all my back issues, cause even though the leg/nerve pain is gone, I still have lower back issues from time to time. So, after a game of verbal tug-of-war,
"you take it.."
"no, you take it. I bought it for you"
"it's okay, I want you to have it"
"okay, if you reeeeaaalllly want me to......"
(insert happy dance)

So, I am just now getting around to getting the massage, mainly because it expires on the 31st and I wanted to make sure there wasn't going to be any Native American giving from Mac.

I was pretty excited about the massage. I was hoping for the strong, manly woman who has a faint smell of cigarette mixed with spearmint gum. She's low on chit chat and high on brute force strength. Knots don't get past her without a fight.

So,I get there and run into a friend of mine, 'J'. Not a really close friend, but a friend I know from church, whose oldest is the same age as Grey and her middle daughter is the same age as Holland and in the same cheer/tumbling class as Holland. We run into each other frequently at church or at the cheer class and chat.

I was like, "Hey, how are you doing? Whatcha' doing here?"
She said, " Oh, I work here."
(Danger, Will Robinson, Danger)
The lady at the counter says, "Are you Gayla?....J is your massage therapist"

AWKWARD

I immediately nix the idea of asking for a back scratch at the end.
We are both like,"Oh, this is great and not the least bit awkward."

But it totally is.

Off we go, but not before she asks me if I need to go "potty" first. Sweet mercy.
But I did go, 'cause I figured I better not take any chances. My luck is already running thin.

So she goes into professional mode, and I say a quick prayer of thanks that I shaved my legs this morning.

She asks if there are any areas that I was having any problems with. I didn't say shoulder, left calf, or right pinky, oh, nooo I had to go with " my lower back" At which point I wanted to repeatedly kick myself because where did we spend most of the massage focus.

Yes, my lower back.

Which is dangerously close to my gluteous maximus and also where I have been storing all the Thanksgiving/holiday treats I have been eating. And I have eaten quite a few.

I don't care what anyone says or how professional someone is, it is AWKWARD when someone is rubbing down your back and glutes and all you're thinking is, "We worked Vacation Bible School together."

After a few minutes, I relaxed slightly and kind of basked in the quiet. Nice.
Then it was time to roll over and I'm thinking I can do this......

J says, " So are you helping out with AWANA this year?"
No, no, no, no, please don't go there when all I have on is a blanket.

(AWANA is the Wed. night kids' programs at church.)

She went there, yes she did.

Insert another round of awkwardness with a side of uh-oh did I just expose a boob?

I tried to relax, honestly I did, and came close a couple of times but when she went to massage my ears I began frantically trying to remember the last time I ran a Q-tip through them...1 day..2 days...a week? Good grief, why haven't I paid more attention to my ears?

And then it was over. J remained unfazed because, well, she is a total professional.

And I left there marinated in massage oil and with the firm decision that next year, Mac is getting a gift certificate for golf lessons for his birthday.